xxi. deditio (carmen lxxvi)

'maybe when i'm old i'll take pleasure in the fact that i wasn't the one who broke faith.  for now, why continue to torture myself?  it's hard to lay aside a longstanding love.   gods, rip her out of my heart.  i'm past asking for her to come back.  i'm past asking that she become decent.  i just want to be well again.  gods help me.'
deditio, capitulation